Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
