You can't motorboat a personality
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How external is "for external use only"?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
