Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
