I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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