I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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