You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize