he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
