I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
