I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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