im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
