No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You need a sexual gate keeper
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
