pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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