hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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