Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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