I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
