I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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