I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
