Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
