Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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