No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
