Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize