he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize