I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
