I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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