I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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