Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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