If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
