I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
