Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
