he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
