I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
