just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
