It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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