two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
