dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
