i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
