umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
