yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
