If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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