matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This show inspires me to have sex in space
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
