I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
