I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
