HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
