I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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