but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
