i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
