moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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