i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
