I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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