my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
