I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
