I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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