i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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