i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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