regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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