i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
