He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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