I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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