Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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