State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
