i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
