Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
