just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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