do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
