Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
