just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
