Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
