Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
