I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
