he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
