I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
