half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Couch. On fire.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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