Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
