I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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