pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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