guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
